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March 15th, 2002, 06:49 AM
#1
Inactive Member
<font color=blue>and it hurts
I miss your face
your glow
your form
and I'm looking
deep in me
for what's gone
and what's left
now the slivers
embedded in you
like glass
I'll never reclaim
anything new
feels old
like pawnshop treasures
and yard sale commodities
and what's old
and comfortable
is gone, but still around
like hand-me-downs seen on a kid brother
and I want it
but it just won't fit
anymore</font>
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"With a gun barrel between your teeth you speak only in vowels." - Jack, Fight Club
[This message has been edited by Lunatic Fringe (edited March 15, 2002).]
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March 15th, 2002, 11:04 AM
#2
Inactive Member
this is possibly the best piece on this subject i have seen on these boards... i'm normally sort of indifferent to love poetry and 'lost-love' poetry but i loved this, particularly the slivers of glass bit, it worked really well. what is perhaps the bottom line for me is that you write on that topic how I would like to write, and perhaps that's why i like it so much.
great.
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March 15th, 2002, 12:29 PM
#3
Senior Hostboard Member
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and I want it
but it just won't fit
anymore
<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Hey, take it to a tailor!!!!
Just kidding...
I liked this work, and it has been some time since we've heard from you Lunatic, but obviously the break has proved to give you a nice poem, a very solid, good work.
I actually LOVED the end best of all I think, it grabs you, makes you think, but sits solemn.
Good work.
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As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...
If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
Word And Voice
Motocross Fanatics
General Philosophy
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March 15th, 2002, 07:18 PM
#4
Inactive Member
Well I'm just here to say whoever wrote that poem kicks ass! ha...just kidding. Thanks for the feedback guys. I was kinda worried about posting this one, because normally I'm more attached to a piece emotinally, and this one just makes me feel so...numb. I dunno. Maybe that's just some psychotic twitch specific to me. But I'm glad to hear at least someone enjoyed it.
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"With a gun barrel between your teeth you speak only in vowels." - Jack, Fight Club
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March 26th, 2002, 01:51 PM
#5
HB Forum Owner
ok.
the first half of the poem...
the first 3 stanzas...
i'm like: GAWD I WANT YOU!
then it peeters out for me.
was it good enough for you as it was somewhat for me?
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~~share some greased tea with me~~
General Philosophy
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March 26th, 2002, 11:02 PM
#6
Inactive Member
Well, if you really want me, you can have me *L*
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"Try setting it to 'Wumpum'"
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March 27th, 2002, 09:15 AM
#7
HB Forum Owner
wow
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~~share some greased tea with me~~
General Philosophy
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