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Thread: Shattered Perfection

  1. #1
    Inactive Member Lunatic Fringe's Avatar
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    <font color=blue>and it hurts
    I miss your face
    your glow
    your form

    and I'm looking
    deep in me
    for what's gone
    and what's left

    now the slivers
    embedded in you
    like glass
    I'll never reclaim

    anything new
    feels old
    like pawnshop treasures
    and yard sale commodities

    and what's old
    and comfortable
    is gone, but still around
    like hand-me-downs seen on a kid brother

    and I want it
    but it just won't fit
    anymore</font>

    ------------------
    "With a gun barrel between your teeth you speak only in vowels." - Jack, Fight Club

    [This message has been edited by Lunatic Fringe (edited March 15, 2002).]

  2. #2
    Inactive Member thrutheeyesofme's Avatar
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    this is possibly the best piece on this subject i have seen on these boards... i'm normally sort of indifferent to love poetry and 'lost-love' poetry but i loved this, particularly the slivers of glass bit, it worked really well. what is perhaps the bottom line for me is that you write on that topic how I would like to write, and perhaps that's why i like it so much.
    great.


    ------------------

  3. #3
    Senior Hostboard Member Hannibal's Avatar
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    <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>and I want it
    but it just won't fit
    anymore

    <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Hey, take it to a tailor!!!!


    Just kidding...

    I liked this work, and it has been some time since we've heard from you Lunatic, but obviously the break has proved to give you a nice poem, a very solid, good work.
    I actually LOVED the end best of all I think, it grabs you, makes you think, but sits solemn.
    Good work.

    ------------------
    As miserable as life may be I hold it pretty precious...

    If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I wil write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always, I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
    Word And Voice
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  4. #4
    Inactive Member Lunatic Fringe's Avatar
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    Well I'm just here to say whoever wrote that poem kicks ass! ha...just kidding. Thanks for the feedback guys. I was kinda worried about posting this one, because normally I'm more attached to a piece emotinally, and this one just makes me feel so...numb. I dunno. Maybe that's just some psychotic twitch specific to me. But I'm glad to hear at least someone enjoyed it.

    ------------------
    "With a gun barrel between your teeth you speak only in vowels." - Jack, Fight Club

  5. #5
    HB Forum Owner SHATOUSHKA's Avatar
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    ok.

    the first half of the poem...
    the first 3 stanzas...

    i'm like: GAWD I WANT YOU!

    then it peeters out for me.

    was it good enough for you as it was somewhat for me?


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    ~~share some greased tea with me~~
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  6. #6
    Inactive Member Lunatic Fringe's Avatar
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    Well, if you really want me, you can have me *L*

    ------------------
    "Try setting it to 'Wumpum'"

  7. #7
    HB Forum Owner SHATOUSHKA's Avatar
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    wow

    ------------------
    ~~share some greased tea with me~~
    General Philosophy
    Discuss This...
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